


tired of fighting things (that I can't change)

by breakthesewallsdown



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Basically, F/F, Post 2x07, and the other cries, but one gets hurt, get your shit together maggie pls, jealous!maggie, no one dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-14 01:29:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9150796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breakthesewallsdown/pseuds/breakthesewallsdown
Summary: Maggie (6:03 PM):Raincheck on you cooking for me, tonight? If you're free?Alex hesitates, becauseyesshe's free and she wants to see Maggie, but what does this mean?Alex (6:04 PM):Why?orsome post 207 drabble that I've been writing on, kind of forgot about and then tried to finish? no idea.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is honestly not one of my best works and it's probably really messy, because I wrote it a few weeks back and I just finished it and well, yeah. enjoy, tho (:

This is not a date. 

It's not. 

At least, that's what Alex keeps telling herself. 

She can't stop thinking about the conversation with Maggie, last night, and how she just showed up at Kara's front door. Alex doesn't even know _how_ Maggie got her sister's address. But, hey, Maggie's a detective, so she detects, right? 

She still vividly remembers Maggie telling her she cares about her _a lot_ and that she doesn't want to imagine her life without Alex in it. Alex is not really sure how to interpret that, because Maggie also said she'd like for them to be friends. In the same sentence. So it looks rather platonic. But on the other hand, Maggie seemed very nervous and something just felt _different_. 

But- this is not a date. 

They're just casually going to play pool, just like they've done so many other nights before. And of course Maggie is going to lose again, because she just always does. She can't play pool to save her life, which makes Alex thinks she just lets her win all the time. And Maggie's secretly a Goddess at playing pool. 

(Alex thinks Maggie is a Goddess. Period). 

So, you know, Alex is kind of stressing herself out. Because she doesn't know if she can be _friends_ with Maggie, but Maggie desperately wants them to be and she wants to do whatever makes Maggie happy, because that's what she deserves. And if Alex has to be in pain for a while, then so be it. She's kind of used to it anyway, by now. And if she wants Maggie to be in her life, she'll have to find a way to learn how to live with it. 

Glancing to the clock on the wall, she sighs and runs her fingers through her hair. She's ready. Kind of. She didn't really know what to wear, so she just settled on her black jeans with a cosy winter sweater and her leather jacket. Basically just something she's comfortable in. 

She also made sure to wear her heels, so that way she's taller than Maggie and at least has that to her advantage. Because Maggie is really intimidating and when Alex isn't wearing her heels she feels so small under the other woman's gaze, sometimes. 

Time to leave. 

She shoots Kara a quick text, telling her she won't answer her phone because she's out, before leaving her apartment and locking the front door. On her way towards the alien bar she keeps replaying yesterday's events in her head. 

_I care about you.. a lot._

_I don't wanna imagine my life without you in it._

Alex doesn't really know what to think. She seemed so understanding about Alex' feelings, so genuine and caring. But Alex doesn't really think she means anything by it. Nothing more than wanting to be friends, that is. 

So, Alex will try.

Because, if she's being honest and if she looks behind their situation, she knows Maggie doesn't really have a lot of friends here. She knows some people at the bar, yes, and she has colleagues she probably jokes around with. But other than that she doesn't really have anyone she cares about- someone who cares about _her_. 

And Alex doesn't want her to be lonely. 

Walking into the bar, Alex' eyes immediately look for Maggie. And of course she finds her at a pool table, already setting everything up. Alex stops in her tracks for a few moments and just looks at her, takes everything in, because this might be the only time tonight she gets to see Maggie being completely comfortable. 

She's so beautiful. 

But it's as if Maggie senses someone watching her, because it only takes her a few seconds before she scans the room and her gaze finds Alex'. She smiles and puts the pool cue down. Alex takes a deep breath before walking over to her, putting on her bravest smile. Tonight's about to be eventful. 

"Danvers," 

And Alex' heart skips a beat, just like it always does when Maggie calls her that. Or when Maggie calls her anything. 

"Maggie," she answers, glancing towards the pool table. 

She can't really look Maggie in the eyes yet. She's probably just too sober for that, so she plans on changing that soon. Maggie seems to think the same thing, because she immediately offers her a drink, telling her the first round's on her. The bartender is Maggie's ex-girlfriend again and Alex tries to ignore her glare burning at the back of her head. 

It's not like she's on a date with Maggie, so she's got nothing to worry about. And if she so desperately wants Maggie back she's free to just go for it. It's not like she wants Alex anyway. 

Alex tries to let loose a little, to not think about how much she'd just like to be with her and to think back to how it felt when they kissed and just- no, she can't think about that too much. It makes her want to bolt.

But Maggie is smiling and her eyes are sparkling and her dimples are showing and it makes Alex so happy to see her like this. She might be able to play this whole being friends thing off anyway. 

So, they play pool. Talk a little, drink a little more. It's fun, it's nothing too serious. Maggie sometimes looks at her for a little too long and Alex pretends to not notice, also pretends to not stare at Maggie herself. It's hard, sometimes. Especially when Alex makes her laugh so hard she has to throw her head back. 

She's just so _beautiful_. 

"So, ready to lose?" 

Alex scoffs, glancing at Maggie before focusing back on her game, because it's her turn, "Shut up, Sawyer. You know you're losing and now you're just trying to distract me," 

And Maggie just laughs when Alex misses, "And it's working," 

Alex wants to snap that _of course it's working_ , because Maggie could just sit there and be totally distracting. But she doesn't want to make things weird again, so she just forces a small laugh and shakes her head, before telling she's going to order another round of drinks. 

"Just a water for me, please," Maggie says when Alex asks her what she wants. 

And Alex raises an eyebrow, but she doesn't even have to ask before Maggie talks. 

"Someone has to make sure you get home safe, right?" 

"I'm not drunk, Maggie," Alex says, more defensive than she would've liked. 

Maggie smiles, "I didn't say that, Danvers, but just let me be nice for once," 

"You're always nice," Alex mutters, before rushing off towards the bar and ordering their drinks. 

Maggie's ex glares at her again and Alex's fairly sure she put something in her drink. She shrugs half of it down in one go anyway, because she trusts Maggie in getting her home safe if something were about to happen. When she reaches their pool table again, Maggie is just casually leaning against it, smiling at her. 

"Here you go," Alex says, handing her her drink. 

Maggie nods and sips of her water, putting it on the side of the table, before turning back towards her, still that smile on her face. But Alex notices it doesn't reach her eyes like it normally does. It kind of makes her heart clench and she wonders how many times she's missed this little detail tonight. 

"You okay?" she asks, putting her own drink down next to Maggie's. 

Maggie just shrugs and is silent for a few seconds, before saying, "I'm glad you're here, Alex," 

And it makes Alex heart race. Because that's what happens on those rare occasions Maggie calls her by her first name.

 

• 

 

Maggie really does get her home safe that night. 

 

• 

 

A few nights later Alex isn't surprised to find Maggie on her doorstep when she comes home from work. She's on the floor with her legs crossed and a hoodie on, the hood on her head. When Alex gets closer she looks up and her eyes are red and watery, making Alex' heart clench in her chest. 

"Maggie? What are you doing here? Are you okay?" 

Maggie just gets up off the floor and forces a smile, before she nods, "I'm fine, Danvers," 

Deciding on not to push her, Alex opens her front door and motions for Maggie to come in, but the Latina shifts her weight onto her other foot and stuffs her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. 

"I was actually wondering if you wanted to go to the bar with me," she says, voice quiet, and Alex isn't really used to it, "I could use a night out," 

And Alex hesitates. Because Maggie looks like an emotional mess and Alex knows _she_ is an emotional mess, so she's not sure things are going to end well. But Maggie needs a friend and Alex has said she'd try. 

"Of course," she says after a short silence, "just let me get changed real quick, okay?" 

Maggie nods and does enter when Alex motions for her to come in, this time. They make small talk for a while, yelling back and forth because Alex is changing in her room and Maggie is awkwardly waiting in the living room. 

When Alex gets back, Maggie is looking at a picture of her and Kara, a small smile on her face. 

"This is cute," she says, nodding towards the picture after turning back to face Alex.

Alex beams. "Yeah, she can be a pain in the ass, but I love her,"

"I can imagine," Maggie says, running her hand through her hair as a small sigh escapes her lips. 

And Alex wants to ask what's bothering her, but now is not the time. Maggie just needs some drinks and a friend and she'll talk when she's ready. She doesn't need Alex pushing her for answers. It'll only make her shut herself off more. 

"Ready to go?" Alex asks, grabbing her phone. 

Maggie nods and on their way towards the bar they don't really talk much. It makes Alex a little anxious, because she really wants to know what's going on inside Maggie's head, what she's thinking about and what got her to look like she just cried her eyes out. 

She glances a look at Maggie from behind the steering wheel, taking note of the way the smaller woman is biting her bottom lip and is looking out of the window as if she's about to start crying again any minute. 

To try and get her mind off of things, Alex turns the volume of the music up and sings along as happily as possible- at least for when the woman you're in love with is obviously upset. It takes a while, but at least Maggie starts to hum along after a while and Alex swears she even sees a small dimple appear in her cheek when Alex tries to hit a high note but fails miserably and Maggie smiles. 

When they reach the bar, Maggie's smile is still on her face and Alex feels proud, because she _did that_. 

"Thanks, Danvers," Maggie says as they make their way inside. 

"Anytime, Sawyer," 

 

•

 

Maggie doesn't tell her what's wrong, just says that she doesn't have to worry. 

But, of course, Alex worries. 

 

•

 

Maggie surprises her quite often with visits. 

Sometimes they go out, sometimes they stay in and order food. Tonight is one of the nights they go out for pizza. They've been sitting in their booth for quite some time and they're currently having something to drink and Alex feels content. 

It's getting easier to be around Maggie, it doesn't feel like her heart's about to give out on her every time Maggie smiles at her. Or maybe it does and maybe she's just used to it by now. Either way, it's getting easier to be around Maggie. 

Don't get her wrong, her heart still races and she still wants to kiss that stupid smirk off of her face, but it's gotten easier to act like a friend and less like she's hopelessly in love with her. She thinks Maggie's buying it, because she's becoming more comfortable again as well and they joke around like they used to.

"Are you going to finish that?" Maggie asks, nodding towards the one pizza slice still on Alex' plate. 

And Alex was about to, but she knows that look in Maggie's eyes and she knows Maggie really wants to have that last bit of pizza. So she slides the plate across the table and smiles at the woman across from her. 

"You can have it," 

"Are you sure?" 

Alex chuckles, "Yes, Maggie, I'm sure," 

And the smile on Maggie's face as she stuffs the food into her mouth is everything Alex needs. She starts to tell some story while Maggie eats and the sparkle in Maggie's eyes tells her she's really enjoying this, so she keeps going. 

That's the thing with Maggie. 

She always listens and she's always so genuinely interested. Alex wonders how she does it. She just really seems to care about what Alex has to say and Alex never feels like she's talking too much or oversharing or annoying. 

Alex is even surprised she talks that much, because Kara has always been the talker out of the two of them. She never really talked much, she liked listening better. But Maggie makes her feel like what she has to say is interesting, so she doesn't mind sharing. 

Maggie never fails to ask how her day went and if she's feeling okay, especially after a rough day at work. She never fails to make her smile if she's having an off day and she always knows when to bring her donuts. It's all really not helping, because this only makes getting over her even more difficult. 

But she tries not to think about it too much, tries to focus on Maggie. Because she's right in front of her and they're having fun and talking and Alex heart swells when Maggie smiles at her like that. 

Shit, she has it bad. 

"Are you ready to go?" Maggie asks as they finish their drinks.

Alex nods and lifts her hand to ask for the bill. Maggie watches her curiously, eyes narrowed a little, before she reaches for her wallet and Alex can't beat her to it when the waitress brings the bill and she immediately hands her her credit card. 

" _Maggie_ ," she exclaims, because this is the third time she's paid for their meal in two weeks. 

When everything is paid for and the waitress gives Maggie's card back, Alex glances at Maggie and sighs. She impatiently waits for the waitress to leave, before glaring at her. 

"I could've paid this time," she says, almost snaps, "or at least my part," 

Maggie just smirks (and again Alex wants to kiss it off), before sliding out of the booth and holding her hand out for Alex to take. Alex looks at it for a second, deciding on if she should take her hand or not. 

She does. 

 

•

 

It's movie night at Kara's and if Alex is absolutely honest, she has no idea which movie they're watching and she has no idea what's happened so far. 

Fair enough, she watches the screen, but she's not watching the movie. Because her mind's too busy thinking about a certain Latina and she can't seem to stop. She's been texting her all night, if she's being honest, and it's hard to keep the smile from her face. 

She hopes Kara doesn't notice. 

When her phone buzzes again, she doesn't even hesitate before unlocking it. Her smile only widens when she sees Maggie's text. 

**Maggie (10:03 PM):** Want to get some pizza tomorrow night? 

Her heartbeat picks up and she swallows heavily. Maggie keeps asking her to go out for dinner and to the bar and she just doesn't know what it means. She doesn't want to hope for something more than friends, she refuses to get her hopes back up. 

**Alex (10:04 PM):** Sure. Same place? 

**Maggie (10:04 PM):** Actually I was wondering if I could pick you up? 

Alex hesitates. Maggie wants to pick her up? As in, actually pick her up? How is this- What- 

" _So_ , since when have you and Maggie been dating?" 

This catches Alex' attention and she locks her phone before looking at her sister, almost choking on her own spit. Wait, what?

"What? Maggie and I- We-," Alex frowns, "We aren't dating," 

Kara lifts an eyebrow, unimpressed, "Really? Because she takes you out to dinner and pays, surprises you with visits at work, lends you her jacket when you're cold, hell, I bet she even brings you flowers." 

At that, Alex' cheeks blush red and she looks away.

"See! I knew it," Kara says, seemingly very proud of herself, "so, since when?" 

"No, Kara," Alex mutters, "we aren't dating. I mean, we don't talk about it. We just hang out and have fun. It's nothing more than that," 

Kara shifts a little closer, grabs the remote to pause the movie and takes her sister's hand, "Are you sure?"

"She doesn't want me," 

"Did she tell you that?" 

Alex bites her lip, because, _no_ , she hasn't. So she shakes her head and looks down towards their joined hands. To be completely fair, Maggie even said she liked her and when Alex claimed that Maggie doesn't want her and she said _that's not why-_ and now more than ever Alex wishes she'd let Maggie speak. 

"Then how can you be sure, Alex?" 

"I- I'm not," she mutters, voice cracking, "she's so wonderful, Kara. She's beautiful and smiles at me like that and she pays for my food and- and she even holds my _hand_ ," 

It doesn't take long for Kara to notice that her sister is crying, so she shuffles as close as possible and wraps her up in her arms. And she lets her ramble. 

"Not much, tho, and never for too long. But she does and she always squeezes before letting go. She takes me to the nicest places and she never makes me feel uncomfortable. She knows about my dislike for Thai food. She knows that I'm allergic to garlic, so she always makes sure to tell them to _not put any garlic in my food, because else she'll get them fired_ ," Alex laughs softly, thinking back to that one time Maggie almost jumped up out of her chair to actually fight someone over garlic, for _her_ , "she always drops me off at home safely when I drank a little too much to drive and she always lets me talk. I never feel like I'm too much, when I'm with her," 

Then it's silent for a while and Kara figures Alex is done gushing about her favorite detective. So Kara laughs softly, reaches out to grab some tissues and hands them over to Alex, before kissing her head. 

"You're so in love, it's disgusting,"

And Alex just sighs, before answering, "I know," 

 

• 

 

She lets Maggie pick her up. 

 

•

 

"Are you cold?" 

Alex turns her face to look at her and bites the inside of her cheek, because Maggie looks so cuddly with her beanie and scarf and Alex' heart can't handle it. But she is kind of cold, since it's mid-December and she didn't think to wear her jacket. 

Well, in her defense, she didn't know Maggie was going to take her on a walk. 

"Kind of," she admits, before adding, "I'm okay, though," 

Maggie shakes her head, before stopping in her tracks and shrugging of her coat. Alex' eyes widen slightly as she watches Maggie approaching her, holding the coat out of her to grab and put on. She starts to tell Maggie she doesn't need it, but the woman just takes another step closer and drapes the coat over her shoulders herself. 

"Don't want you getting sick, now, do we?" 

"And we want you getting sick?" Alex shoots back, already feeling the warmth from Maggie's coat. 

Maggie just laughs softly, "Worried about me, Danvers?" 

Alex rolls her eyes, before putting the coat on properly. It's so soft and warm and she closes her eyes for a second, inhaling Maggie's scent as she takes a deep breath. She never wants to take this jacket off. 

"Don't, though," she then says as they start to walk again, "I don't get sick,"

"Sure you don't," Alex mutters, "you can keep your scarf and beanie,"

At that, Maggie chuckles, "I was planning on it," 

They keep walking and buy a hot chocolate on the way (Alex pays for her own this time, even though she sees in Maggies eyes that she wants to protest), casually talking about life and what they're doing when they're not spending time together. Which is not much, to be honest. 

Now, they've been sitting at a small square for quite some time and it's just cosy. There are a few children running around and couples are walking past them. And even though Alex feels that pang of jealousy when she sees them holding hands or sharing a kiss, she knows she has no right to complain, because she's here with Maggie and she's wearing her coat and they're sitting so close to each other she can feel Maggie's breath on her face if she turns her head. 

"How have you been doing lately, Danvers?" Maggie asks, sincerely, "Kara told me you came out to your mom, recently," 

Alex' eyes widen. This wasn't going according to plan. Kara wasn't supposed to tell her and- _Wait_ , when did Kara and Maggie talk to each other? Alex' eyes narrow and Maggie looks like she's about to bolt, looks like she's said too much. 

"When did you talk to my sister?" 

A small smile appears on Maggie's face, "Just a few days ago. We ran into each other at the grocery store," 

"And you.. casually talked about me?" 

Now, there's a blush on Maggie's cheeks for sure and Alex knows she's not imagining anything. Maggie looks away hastily and goes to stand up. 

"I'm just- I'm gonna throw that in the bin," she mutters, holding up her empty cup, "is yours empty too? I'll take it," 

Alex decides to let it go and just hands Maggie her cup, watching how she slowly walks towards the bin. She hesitates before walking back and Alex notices how she fixes her beanie and says something to herself. Alex just can't seem to figure out what it is. 

"But I'm doing okay," Alex says as soon as Maggie gets back, and she smiles when the detective sighs in relief, "she took it well," 

"Good," Maggie says, eyes soft, "I'm glad,"

And that's how things go for a while. They sit close enough to each other to share some body heat, but not too close to be considered inapproprite for friends being out together. Sometimes their hands touch and Alex tries not to shiver, and if she does she blames it on the cold. She tries not to pay attention to Maggie's eyes glancing down at her coat, that Alex' wearing, and the fond look in her eyes when their eyes meet afterwards. 

She tries to tell herself it doesn't mean anything. 

But then Maggie says she's up for some drinks and Alex agrees, because how can she not? So, they find some fun-looking bar and when they sit down at a small table and order a round of shots, Alex' heart starts to beat in her chest again. She's not about to drink too much, because she has no idea what she's up to when she's drunk and around Maggie. 

Things go rather well. Maggie teases her a bit, buys her most of her drinks even though she herself drinks water, and even orders her some fried chicken wings when she mentions she's a little hungry. 

But it doesn't mean anything. 

So when Alex notices a woman watching her from across the room, she shyly looks back and sends her a smile. The woman smiles back and tilts her glass towards her, telling her cheers. It's then that Alex notices Maggie looking at her, frowning slightly, curious. 

Alex blushes. 

"There's a woman and she keeps looking at me," she says, glancing over Alex' shoulder back to the blonde haired woman, "I think she's interested in me," 

Maggie's jaw clenches for a second, and Alex pretends not to notice, before she says, "Who wouldn't be?" 

Alex' mouth opens and she wants to say something, but her words get stuck in her throat, because- what? 

"What's that supposed to mean?" she gets out after a few painfully long seconds. 

Maggie seems to realize what she's said, because she runs her hand over her face and sighs, "Exactly what you think it means, Danvers. She'd be stupid not to be interested in you. I mean, look at you," 

And Alex blushes again. Because Maggie is looking at her like she's the purest form of art and Alex is not sure she deserves that. 

"I- I'm not sure I know what you mean," 

And even though Maggie smiles, it looks sad and Alex would even barely call it a smile. But Maggie waves it off and downs her drink in one go, telling Alex to go for it if she wants to before ordering another round of shots. 

Alex considers it- maybe. Because the woman is cute and she is still looking at her, but not in a creepy kind of way, and Alex likes the attention. She likes being looked at, even if it's just from afar. She likes that people seem to be interested in her, because for so long she thought she just wasn't attractive enough or likeable enough. 

But then she looks back at Maggie and notices she's already downed three out of five shots on the table and she frowns. Alex knows that look on Maggie's face. She looks like that when she's troubled about something. 

Alex decides not to ask. At least not yet. She just tells Maggie she's not going over there and orders something stronger to drink for herself. Because Maggie can't be upset about someone being interested in her. It just can't be. 

Things are awkward for quite some time, because Alex doesn't want to say anything wrong and Maggie just seems really moody. Her grip around her glass is firm and she barely makes any eye contact with Alex as they talk. It kind of bothers Alex, so she decides to speak up. 

Slowly reaching forward to rest the tips of her fingers on Maggie's wrist, she manages to catch her attention long enough to get her to look at her. 

"Are you okay?" 

Maggie seems to be taken aback for a second, but recovers quite well, "Yeah, why?"

"You seem upset," Alex says carefully, unknowingly stroking Maggie's wrist with her index finger. 

"It's nothing," she says, but it doesn't sound very reassuring. 

"Are you sure?" 

" _Yes_ , Alex," Maggie says, snaps, "I'm sure," 

"Okay," Alex quickly pulls her hand back and sinks back into her chair, "sorry, I was just asking," 

Maggie sighs, "I know, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take it out on you,"

"It's fine," 

"It's not," Maggie shoots back, pushing the last shot away from her towards the side of the table, "I didn't mean to ruin tonight. I just-"

"Hey," 

Maggie and Alex both look towards the source of interruption and Maggie has to keep herself from rolling her eyes, because of course she would approach Alex. Alex pretends noto to notice Maggie's change in behavior and focuses on the woman instead. 

"Hi," 

"So, I noticed you from across the room and I just wanted to come and say hi," she says, "my name's April," 

She holds her hand out for Alex to shake and when she does, she carefully introduces herself, "Alex," 

"Nice to meet you, Alex," April says, totally not paying attention to Maggie, "I was wondering if I could buy you a drink?"

Alex frowns, looks back to Maggie before meeting April's gaze, "I- I'm kind of-"

But Maggie cuts her off, "Don't bother, Danvers, I was just leaving,"

And Alex is confused. Maggie is leaving? How? Why? What happened? But Maggie doesn't even give her the chance to stop her, because she's already out of her chair before Alex can even say anything, leaving some cash on their table. 

April is about to take her seat when Alex shoots up, excusing herself, "I'm sorry, I really need to- Yeah, sorry," 

She grabs her coat and rushes after Maggie, catching her when she's almost reached the corner of the street. She grabs her wrist and turns her around, shocked when she sees the look in Maggie's eyes. It's a mixture between hurt and hopeful and it hurts Alex' heart. 

She just wishes she knew what was going on inside her head. 

"Maggie-,"

"Why aren't you inside?" Maggie asks instead (and Alex ignores the way her voice wavers), "she was about to buy you a drink," 

"Why would I want her to buy me a drink?" Alex asks, still holding on to Maggie's wrist. 

Maggie shrugs, "I don't know, you're single and she's interested. So why not?" 

_Because I want you_ , she wants to yell. But she doesn't. Instead she lets go of Maggie and sighs, running her fingers through her hair. 

"Because I just don't want her to," Alex fights back, "I can buy my own drinks," 

And Maggie falters, only for a second, "You let me buy you drinks," 

This makes Alex smile, just slightly, but she nods anyway. And in a moment of bravery she tilts her head a little, looking straight into Maggie's eyes, "That's only because I like you, Sawyer," 

They stare at each other for a while, not sure what to do or say next. Alex' hands are itching to reach for Maggie, cup her cheeks and kiss her again, because she's almost sure Maggie is jealous and that might mean Maggie likes her. 

But she's too scared. She doesn't want to get hurt again. It'd be too difficult to get over the rejection a second time. So she doesn't do anything. She just stands there and waits. Watches her. Watches how Maggie's eyes flicker over her face, stop at her lips, and end up at her eyes. 

"I should go," she then says, averting her gaze from Alex, "I'll call you," 

And Alex watches her go. 

 

•

 

Alex is _pretty sure_ Maggie is avoiding her. 

Not ignoring, per se, but definitely avoiding.

They still work together, but Maggie is always the first to leave and she's always so quick to leave when someone calls for her. Alex notices how tense she is while being around her, how she's constantly on her phone to not have to start a conversation with Alex. 

And Alex tries. She really tries to start conversations and ask her how she's doing, but Maggie is always so quick to wave her off, because she always has to be somewhere, or is meeting someone and. Alex doesn't know what to do anymore. 

Which kind of sucks, because as she gets home a few nights after that night, she realizes she still has Maggie's coat. And she starts to wonder how long Maggie can go without it, because Alex hasn't seen her wearing another one and it's so cold. So she might have to take it back. 

Which is what she's going to do tonight. 

She's on her way to Maggie's place, holding the coat to her chest, because if things go badly she might not speak to Maggie again. To be honest, Alex doesn't even know why Maggie is acting odd. It's not like anything happened, it's not like Alex actually did anything, right? The only thing she can think of is Maggie getting jealous of that woman at the bar (Alex can't even remember her name), but that just wouldn't make any sense. 

Yet, it's still the only thing she has when she reaches Maggie's front door- coat still safely against her chest. When she knocks, Alex tries to ignore her rapid hearbeat, tries to ignore the soft shaking of her hands as she holds the coat. 

It takes a while before the door opens. Actually, it takes so long Alex considers going back home. It takes so long Alex thinks – fears – Maggie's on another date again.  
But then the door opens and their eyes meet and Alex' breath catches in her throat. Because Maggie looks wonderful and beautiful and cuddly and- God, she doesn't know how she's going to survive this conversation. 

After the initial shock of seeing Alex in front of her fades, Maggie's jaw clenches and she takes a deep breath as if she's trying to prepare herself for what's to come. Alex knows her well enough to know she didn't expect this and she's not quite ready. 

Alex wonders if they'll ever be. 

"Danvers," she then says, gaze on the floor, not wanting to meet Alex' eyes. 

"Maggie," 

"What, uh- What are you doing here?"

And Alex sighs, before holding up Maggie's coat, "I thought you might want this back, since it's been a few days," 

Maggie hesitates, Alex can see that, before opening the door wider and taking a step aside to let her in. Which kind of surprises Alex. Because she thought Maggie would just take the coat and slam the door in her face, since that's the vibe she's been giving off lately. 

Alex hurries inside before Maggie changes her mind. It's kind of awkward, really, because they both don't really know what to say. So Maggie takes the coat from her and puts it away. When they lock eyes again, Maggie sighs. 

"Look, Alex," she starts, voice heavy with nerves, "I'm sorry I avoided you," 

"Why?"

Alex isn't planning on beating around the bush. She's not a teenager anymore, so she refuses to play the same old games as she did back then. She hardens her stare as she looks at Maggie, daring her to play games. 

"I-," Maggie sighs, runs her fingers through her hair and paces a little, "it's stupid, I-"

"Why did you leave?" Alex asks, not really giving her the time to answer, "why did you bolt as soon as that woman came up to me? We were out _together_ , Maggie. If you think, for one second, I was about to abandon you then-"

"I got jealous,"

Well, _that_ gets a woman to stop talking. 

Alex frowns, "Jealous?"

"Yes, Alex," Maggie snaps, "jealous." 

Alex rubs her forehead for a second as her eyes widen. To actually know Maggie got jealous is just, wow. She doesn't really understand. Why would Maggie get jealous? They're not together and Maggie doesn't even want to be together, so? It doesn't make any sense.

"I just- I don't understand, Maggie," 

"What's there to undertand?" Maggie asks, eyes filled with frustration and, dare Alex think it, affection. 

"Why you would get jealous?" Alex asks, trying not to raise her voice, "You didn't want to be with me,"

"And I don't," Maggie yells, squeezing her eyes shut right after, regretting the little outburst, "I mean- I-," 

Alex doesn't even let her speak, before she cuts her off, "Then get your shit together, Sawyer. Because I am not going to just sit here and let myself be treated like utter shit because you get _jealous_. Either you want me or you don't, but don't fucking stand there and be upset with me for trying to move on from you, while all you have to do is stop being scared to have me."

Maggie just looks at her, eyes wide and honest, lips tugged down into a frown. And Alex waits. She waits for a few seconds, just long enough to give Maggie the time to say something if she wanted to. But when she realizes Maggie's not going to say anything, she spins on her heels and rushes out of Maggie's apartment.

 

•

 

She tries not cry on her way home. 

She succeeds. 

But only until she shuts her front door behind her. 

Then she stops trying.

 

•

 

Maggie doesn't call her. She doesn't text her. They basically just don't talk.

And it's taking its toll on Alex. She's slacking at work, she's snapping at everyone, she's cutting off Kara. It's ugly, really. She doesn't even know why it affects her so much. She thought she stopped caring this much a long time ago, but apparently Maggie still affects her mood greatly. 

She doesn't really know what to do or how to fix it. She doesn't even know if she can fix it. But it's not like she has the time to think about Maggie right now, because they have an alien to fight and she has to go. 

So she pushes all thoughts of Maggie to the back of her mind, closes her eyes and exhales. Time for business. She can't let her problems affect important missions like these. She refuses. 

Waiting for J'onn's go, Alex watches how Kara pushes herself off and flies out of the window, on her way. It doesn't take long for the DEO to follow and all the way there Alex refuses to think about Maggie and if she might be there. Alex tells herself it doesn't matter, it shouldn't matter. She doesn't want it to matter. She's tired. Of hurting, basically.

Before getting out of the car, she closes her eyes for a second and takes a deep breath. Then, she opens the door and rushes out of the car, following her colleagues. 

Showtime. 

 

•

 

Basically, the first thing Alex thinks when she opens her eyes is _shit_.

Her second thought is _Jesus fuck, did I die?_ because she can't really feel her legs and she has trouble breathing. But if she'd died, she wouldn't be breathing at all, right? So that's not really a possibility. 

But then there's a face hovering over her and Alex relaxes. Kara. 

"Are you okay?" Kara asks, voice soft, "How are you feeling? Any pain?"

"I- I can't really feel my legs?" 

"That's normal," Kara immediately says, pushing some buttons to get Alex' bed up so she's sitting up, "Well, not normal, but it should be better in, like, an hour." 

"What happened?" Alex asks, looking at her sister. 

Kara huffs, obviously getting emotional, "You almost died, but what else is new,"

"Kara-" 

"What were you thinking, Alex?" she asks, eyes watery and incredibly angry.

Alex hesitates, "I- I'm sorry, Kara, I just- I don't remember," 

"He was about to hit me," Kara says, not looking at Alex any longer, "he was about to struck me with his poison and you- you just jumped in front of me like a crazy person," she sighs, "how could you do that?" 

"You're my sister," Alex says, reaching for her sister's hand but stopping when there's a pain in her side and she hisses, "of course I want to protect you," 

"You could've _died_ , Alex," Kara says, full on crying now. 

"Kara," Alex sighs, "c'mere, please," 

Kara turns her head towards her and sobs, because Alex looks like shit and she's hurting and Kara just wishes she could do something. She rushes towards her sister on the bed and hugs her, not too tight to hurt her, kisses her head. 

"I love you, Alex," she says, softly, "I don't know what I'd do if something ever happened to you," 

"I'm okay," Alex whispers, rubbing her sister's back, "I'm here and I'm okay," 

Kara shakes her head, "Don't ever do that again, okay? I can't lose you,"

"Kara," Alex mutters, "look at me," 

They pull away from each other and Alex softly grabs Kara's hands, holds them tight. They look at each other for a while, Kara trying to stop crying and Alex wishing she could do something to make things better, to stop her sister from hurting. 

"You're my little sister," she starts, "and I will always do anything and everything to try and protect you. You may be Supergirl to the world, but to me you're still Kara Danvers, my little sister who needs my help," she says, and then adds, "even though you might not need that as much anymore,"

"I will always need your help, Alex," 

Alex shakes her head, "You won't. But I'll still be here cheering you on and protecting you, because that's what big sisters do, okay? And if that means I have to jump in front of you to protect you from an alien trying to hurt you, then I will. Okay?" 

Kara realizes she won't change Alex' minds, so she just shrugs before hugging her again. "I'm so glad you're okay," 

"I'll always be okay," 

They hug for a while, before Kara pulls back. Alex notices the change of behaviour and narrows her eyes at her. Kara plays with the blanket that's draped over Alex' legs and bites her lip, before looking back up at her and smiling sheepishly. 

"I- Uh- You know," she says, obviously flustered, "I might have- You know what, Maggie's on her way and she's not happy and I just wanted to prepare you for, well, _that_." 

Alex' eyes widen. Shit. That's not good. That's so not good. Especially because they haven't spoken since Alex stormed out of Maggie's apartment after going off on her. Crap. Alex doesn't know where to look or what to say so she just rests her head in her hands and sighs, because what can she do? She can't leave. Kara would never let her. 

"Alex?" Kara asks, "Can you say something?" 

"You- You called Maggie?"

"Well, yes," she says.

"Why did you do that?" she asks, frustrated, "Jesus fucking Christ," 

Just then, the door slams open and Maggie rushes in. She barely pays Kara any mind, just storms straight up to the other side of Alex' bed. And Alex closes her eyes and bites her lip- waits. She waits for the yelling, the shouting, the hurting. But nothing happens. Just Kara getting off the bed and walking towards the door. But Alex refuses to open her eyes, even as she says, 

"I'll leave you two to talk," 

She only opens her eyes when she hears Maggie sit down on the side of her bed. When she turns her head to look at her, there are tears in the other woman's eyes and her eyebrows are furrowed. She looks at her like she's the biggest mystery on the planet, like it's taking everything in her to figure things out. 

"Maggie, I-"

"How could you _do_ that?" Maggie asks, voice cracking, "How can you risk your life like that?" 

"I- I don't know, he was after Kara and I just- I-"

"So you thought it was a great idea to risk your life for _Supergirl_? Supergirl out of all people, Alex! The girl who can carry a bus on her pink. The girl who can stop a plane from crashing, are you _kidding_ me?" 

"She's my _sister_ , Maggie! What was I supposed to do?" 

"I don't _know_ ," Maggie yells, tears running down her cheeks, "but when Kara called me and told me what happened I- I just- I was so scared," 

Alex frowns, "I'm okay,"

"But for how long?" Maggie asks, wiping her cheeks furiously, "how long will it take for you to risk your life like that again? How long will it take for you to be in this bed again or _worse_?"

"Maggie-"

"Do you have any idea how many people would miss you if something happened to you?" Maggie asks, voice wavering, cracking, "Do you know how people would feel if you wouldn't have woken up? How _I_ would feel?"

Alex falters, because she doesn't. She has no idea how Maggie would feel. Simply because she doesn't know what Maggie feels and how she thinks about her- about them. They're trying to be friends, fair enough, but Alex doesn't think and feel about Maggie like a friend. And she wonders if Maggie thinks about her in another way, too. 

"You almost died," Maggie says, voice all choked up. 

She swallows and looks away, wipes her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater. Alex notices she's not wearing her leather jacket and she wonders when Maggie decided to stop wearing it. If she stopped wearing it. The thought of Maggie rushing out of her apartment and just not bothering, or forgetting, to grab her jacket crosses her mind but she pushes it back. 

Maggie doesn't see her like that. 

"I don't know what you want me to say," Alex admits, softly, feeling a small headache coming up, because she's tired and everything hurts and this is too much. 

"That you won't do something stupid like that again," she says, looking at Alex with tears still brimming her eyes, "that you'll _think_ before you act next time and that you'll stop risking your life at any possible moment," 

Alex softly shakes her head, "I can't promise you that, Maggie," 

Maggie sighs, desperate. It makes Alex' heart hurt even more, because she wishes she could promise Maggie to not protect her sister, to stop risking her life for Kara, but she can't. Because she's her big sister and she always will put Kara first. That's just how she is and what she does. 

"I'm sorry," 

Alex tries to meet Maggie's gaze, but the latter stares at her hands in her lap, not budging. She's not looking at Alex and it makes her hurt even more, because she misses the sparkle in her eyes and the dimples in her cheeks. 

"I-," Maggie hesitates, clenches her fist, "I don't know what I'd do if something would happen to you," 

_Oh_. 

Alex' heart skips a beat, or three, and she's not sure she's understanding what Maggie is saying. Or she tries to tell herself to not hope Maggie means anything by it, because Maggie doesn't see her like that.

"Maggie," she sighs. 

Maggie turns her head towards her and Alex just wants to reach out and grab her hand, cup her cheek. The silence in the room is stressing Alex out and she just doesn't know what to do. Because Maggie is looking at her like she's the most beautiful thing she's ever seen and there's longing in her eyes and Alex' heart is bursting. 

"I'm here," Alex mutters, briefly glancing down to Maggie's lips. 

She can't stop thinking about kissing her – and the kiss – and her hands are getting clammy and now it's not only her legs she doesn't feel anymore, but kind of her whole body because Maggie. Deciding to go for it, Alex reaches her hand out and rests it above Maggie's, running her index finger over her knuckles. 

"I'm okay," 

Maggie grips her fingers, rubs her eyes with her free hand.

"I'm _safe_ ," 

Then Maggie kisses her.

She presses Alex further into the matrress, grips her hand tightly while the other rests next to her head- their lips pressed together in a gentle kiss. Alex' free hand shoots up to Maggie's cheek, kissing her back. She's flying. 

Alex runs her hand through Maggie's hair and cups the back of her neck, tilting her head to deepen their kiss. Maggie sighs against her mouth, tugs at her lower lip with her teeth and tightens her grip on Alex' hand. It's amazing. Alex never wants this to stop. 

But, of course, it does. 

Way too soon for Alex' liking. 

And when she sees the look in Maggie's eyes she knows what's about to happen. 

It doesn't take her long to hurry off the bed, eyes wide with confusion, hurt and _regret_. Alex feels her heart breaking all over again, while Maggie stands there rubbing her hands on her jeans. 

"I- I'm sorry," she says, voice higher than usual, "I need to go," 

 

• 

 

It takes three weeks for Alex to be back on her feet and back at it. 

She hasn't spoken to Maggie, simply because she doesn't know what to say. It's all so confusing. Maggie first got mad, then emotional, just to kiss her after and then bolt out of the room. So Alex can't quite blame herself for all the mixed signals she's receiving. 

So, it's safe to say she doesn't really know what to do. Which is why she drowns herself in work (and _maybe_ some alcohol) and tries not to think about Maggie. Again. Alex has lost count of how many times she's actually tried to stop thinking about her and she's figured it's getting quite old and she fails every single time, because there's always something to remind her of the detective and there's always a reason for Alex' mind to drift off and think about those dimples and that smile and- 

She shakes her head. It has to stop. 

But it won't, because Alex is expected at a crime scene of the NCPD and she's quite sure Maggie is going to be there. And she doesn't know how to feel about seeing her again after three weeks, because what is she supposed to say? She's sure she can't just act like nothing happened. Not again, not after this. 

Arriving at the scene, Alex immediately searches for Maggie.

She's not sure the sigh she releases when she can't find her is one of relief or disappointment. 

 

• 

 

Maggie's also not at the crime scenes all days after. 

And Alex is getting kind of worried. Because this is not like Maggie. Maggie would avoid her, fair enough, but she wouldn't go as far as not doing her job like she used to. Her job is everything to her and Alex knows that. She knows Maggie wouldn't just not show up because _she_ might be there.

It's just not right.

It also doesn't feel like Maggie has any right, really. Because she's the one who kissed Alex and she's the one who then ran away, right? Alex doesn't really know how to process anything. She tries not to think about the kiss too much and why Maggie did what she did. 

She fails, really. 

Because the kiss is literally all she can think about. Having Maggie pin her against the bed and kiss her like that was _so_ \- Alex doesn't even have the words to describe it. She swears she could feel Maggie's fear and longing and Alex knows she wasn't imagining things. She knows she wasn't imagining Maggie being scared of losing her and crying. She knows Maggie wasn't her usual, confident self and she knows Maggie was terrified and nervous and she just doesn't understand why it's so difficult. 

Alex thinks Maggie might like her and she thinks Maggie might want to be with her, but she doesn't understand why Maggie pulls back whenever she starts to reach out for her. She knows how Alex feels and yet she just- Alex sighs. 

There's honestly only one way for her to find out. 

 

• 

 

She's nervous. 

She's really fucking terrified, if she's being completely honest. Because she hasn't seen or spoken to Maggie in so long (for whatever reason, really) and she doesn't know what to expect. Does Maggie want to see her? Does she want her to just leave her alone? 

Alex has no clue. And she's tired of not knowing. 

So that's why she finally knocks on Maggie's front door, twice. It feels like her heart stops beating in her chest for the time it takes to hear some noise on the other side of the door. She holds her breath and closes her eyes for a second and hopes. Because she hears shuffling on the other side of the door and- a sneeze? 

But then the front door unlocks and when Maggie's face comes into view Alex' heart clenches. She looks like shit, to be quite honest. She's in her pajama's, blanket draped over her shoulders, hair's a mess, teary and swollen eyes, red, puffy cheeks. And she's sniffing.

"You look terrible," Alex blurts out, letting her gaze wander over the woman in front of her. 

Maggie scoffs and rolls her eyes, "Thanks, Danvers, really what I need to hear," 

Alex sighs and runs her fingers through her hair, before shifting her weight from one foot to the other. Maggie seems to pick up on the act, because she takes a step aside and motions for Alex to come in. 

"So," Maggie says when she closes the door behind her, "why are you here?" 

"You haven't been coming to work lately," she says, not looking Maggie in the eye, "and I was- I was worried," 

Maggie coughs and makes her way over to the couch, "I see,"

Alex follows her like a lost puppy and sits at the end, right by Maggie's feet as the latter curls up into her blanket once more and grabs her cup of tea. It's silent for a few seconds, before Maggie looks back at her and sends her a small smile. 

"There's still some tea in the pot, if you want," she says, softly, "the cups are in the cupboards above the sink, on the right."

Alex just shakes her head, "I'm okay. I just wanted to check up on you, that's all," 

She plays with the hem of her jacket and carefully looks at Maggie, trying to read her, to know what she's thinking or feeling or to know what it is she wants to say but is too scared to say. 

"So you're not staying?" 

It sounds fragile and scared and Alex almost caves, because Maggie looks lost and lonely and she doesn't want that. She wants Maggie to be confident and happy and smiley. But Maggie's sad expression doesn't keep Alex from shaking her head. 

"Is there anything I can do for you, before I head back home?" Alex asks, not daring to move too much or look at her for too long, "Do I need to make you some soup, or anything?" 

"You know how to cook?" Maggie asks, playfully as she wipes her nose with a tissue. 

Alex shrugs. "I do, kind of," then she chuckles, "I could try," 

"For me?" 

At that, Alex freezes slightly. Because this is going in a direction she's not sure she wants it to go anymore and she's pretty sure this is Maggie's way of flirting with her. So she straightens her back and tilts her chin up to look at her. 

She tries to ignore the elephant in the room. 

"I'm serious," she says, voice stern, "you need to eat if you want to get better, so if you want me to make you something then I will. If not, I'll leave you to nap, or whatever you were doing," 

Maggie stays silent and it kind of pisses Alex off, because she wants Maggie to talk and just say _something_. But she hides her frustrations and gets up from the couch. Maggie quickly sits up, the blanket falling from her shoulders slightly and Alex notices how she shivers. 

"I thought you didn't get sick?" she asks, eyes meeting Maggie's. 

Maggie just laughs and shakes her head, "You got me," 

Alex ignores the possible double meaning behind Maggie's words and forces a smile on her face. She can't be here any second longer. She knows Maggie is fine – _sick_ , but fine – so she can leave and just move on. That's why she mutters a goodbye and turns towards the door to leave, but she doesn't get far before Maggie calls her name. 

"Alex," 

It tugs at Alex' heart and she can't help but turn back around to face her. When she does, Maggie's eyes are desperate and shiny and Alex isn't sure if she can handle all of this. 

"I-," she says, but cuts herself off, before saying, "Thank you for stopping by," 

And Alex smiles and shrugs, because what else is she supposed to do, "Anytime," 

 

• 

 

It takes a while, but a few days after Alex went to see Maggie, her phone buzzes with a text. 

**Maggie (6:03 PM):** Raincheck on you cooking for me, tonight? If you're free?

Alex hesitates, because _yes_ she's free and she wants to see Maggie, but what does this mean? 

**Alex (6:04 PM):** Why? 

It doesn't take very long for her phone to start ringing and Maggie's name to light up the screen. Yikes, Alex thinks, she's not playing any games tonight. Her hands are trembling when she picks up the phone.

"Yes?" she says and it sounds weird, because normally she starts with _Danvers_ and this is just messing with her head. 

"I thought this might be easier than texting," 

Maggie sounds like she's not really sure what she's supposed to say and it does weird things to Alex' heart. But she decides to ignore it, for now. 

"So, what do you say?" She then asks, referring to her question earlier. 

Alex scoffs, "You still haven't answered my question, Sawyer. Why?"

She hears Maggie sigh and some shuffling, before another sigh and then Maggie's voice, "Because I miss you," 

_Oh_. 

Well, that's interesting. Alex isn't quite sure how to react to that, she she decides to stay silent, hoping Maggie will say more than just that. For a few seconds, there's nothing more than just their breathing to be heard, until Maggie laughs softly. It sounds hurt and it makes Alex wants to rush over to her apartment immediately. 

"I've been an idiot, Alex," Maggie says, "I was scared and that made me push you away and I- I've been so stupid. And I thought maybe you could come over so we could talk about it," 

" _Now_ you want to talk about it?" Alex doesn't mean to sound so bitter, but somehow she does and she can imagine Maggie flinching on the other side of the line, because she hears a sharp intake of breath and it makes her feel even worse. 

"Alex-," 

"You expect me to _jump_ for you, because now you want to talk? Like I haven't been waiting for you to make up your mind and you just kept shutting yourself off?" 

She knows it's not fair, because Maggie had her reasons and Alex knows it couldn't have been easy for her, but it just hurts so much to give yourself to someone only for them to give you the idea they want you, but then pull back completely as if they haven't given you hope and as if they haven't been playing with your heart. Even though they might not mean to do that at all. 

"You're right," Maggie says, and if her voice didn't sound hurt before it most definitely does now, "it's not fair and maybe I don't deserve a chance to explain myself and make it up to you. So," she hesitates, "just tell me if that's what you want and I'll leave you alone. I promise." 

Flashbacks ring in the back of Alex' mind. She remembers when Maggie said the same thing and her heart clenches in her chest. Because she knows how hard it'll be for Maggie to never talk to Alex again. Not because she might or might not have any feelings for her, but because they're also (supposed to be) great friends and colleagues. 

"But if you want to talk about it, you know where to find me, okay? I mean, I- it's totally up to you. I don't really have any right to ask such a thing from you." 

"Maggie-," 

"No, it's fine," Maggie mutters, cutting her off, "you're right. It's not fair of me to have kept you waiting that long and then just expect you to be here when I want you to." 

Alex' heart stutters at the knowledge that Maggie _wants_ her to be there. She feels like screaming and yelling and crying and kissing Maggie, because God damn this woman will be the end of her. She'd swim across the ocean for her, she'd fight a hundred aliens if she had to. Of course she'll be there when Maggie wants her to. 

"I'll leave you to it, then," she says, pulling Alex from her thoughts. 

It takes a few seconds, but then Alex finally knows how to speak English again, "Maggie, wait," 

Silence, just Maggie's breathing and a sudden tension beween the two of them. Maggie's waiting and Alex is trying to find the words, but at the end all that comes out is, 

"What would you like for dinner?" 

 

• 

 

Things are quite awkward at first. 

They start on dinner and don't really talk much, but Alex notices Maggie's glances and she notices Maggie standing maybe a little too close at times. But she can't say she minds. Because she doesn't. She want Maggie to be close and touch her and look at her. 

And the longer she's here, the more she thinks Maggie wants that, too. Because Alex is casually leaning against the counter while their food is in the oven and Maggie is looking at her and Alex feels like the room is closing in on her and she just needs _Maggie_. 

Maggie seems to be able to read her mind, because she takes a few steps closer and reaches her hand out to grab Alex', making the taller woman shiver slightly. She's not used to this and feeling like this. 

"Thank you for coming," Maggie says, eyes gentle and soft. 

"Of course," 

"No, Alex. Not _of course_." 

Alex frowns and looks down, because she knows what Maggie means. But it's just not true. So that's why she looks up again and squeezes Maggie's fingers. 

" _Yes_ , of course. You could break my heart a hundred times and I'd still be on your doorstep in ten minutes if you wanted me to," 

Maggie shakes her head, lets go op Alex' hand, "I don't deserve that," 

Alex shrugs, "Maybe you don't. But it doesn't change the fact that I would,"

"Why?" 

"You know why, Maggie," 

She sighs, runs her fingers through her hair, "Yes, but- but why do you keep up with me?" 

"Because you don't get to choose who you fall in love with," 

Maggie looks up, eyes wide and honest and _hopeful_ and it makes Alex want to fling herself out of the window, because Maggie looks so small and fragile. She didn't expect herself to be so straightforward, but she's so tired of pretending like she's not in love with Maggie Sawyer. 

"Alex-,"

"And that's why I keep up with you. Because I don't know any better. Because I don't _want_ to know any better. And that might make me an idiot, but I am in love with you, Maggie, and I don't want to pretend anymore." 

"Me neither," 

Alex frowns at that, because what? 

"I don't want to pretend that my heart doesn't beat like crazy when you're near me," Maggie says, looking everywhere except for Alex, "I don't want to keep pretending like you don't make me go insane and I want to stop pretending like I don't want to _kiss_ you every time you laugh or grin or make one of your stupid cop puns," 

Alex' hands shoot out to brace herself on the counter behind her, because she feels like her knees might give out any time now. But Maggie doesn't seem close to finished, since she starts pacing through the kitchen, her hands in her hair. 

"I hate pretending like I want to be your friend, because that's the furthest from the truth and it hurts to pretend like I don't want to be with you, because I _do_ ," she says, voice cracking, "I'm just so scared, Alex. I- I'm not good for you and I- I don't want to hurt you," 

Alex rushes over to her and pulls her into a hug, clutching the smaller woman against her chest, letting her cry softly. She hasn't seen Maggie this emotional ever since she's been in the hospital bed at the DEO and it hurts so much. 

"I'm scared, too, Maggie," Alex admits, whispering into Maggie's hair as she holds her close, "I've- I've never been with a woman and it scares me. You scare me. But I want to try," 

"I'm a mess, Alex," Maggie says, pulling back and wiping her eyes, "and you deserve someone who-"

"I can decide what I deserve for myself," Alex cuts her off, their hands finding each other. 

She glances at the oven and sees she still has 23 minutes until their food is ready, so she takes a small step closer towards Maggie and tangles their fingers together. Their hight difference is plainly obvious because they're both on socked feet so Maggie has to look up a little to be able to meet her gaze. 

"I just don't want you to settle for me," 

"I'm not settling," Alex says, brows furrowed, "please, Maggie. I don't want to miss out on this, on _you _, because we're scared. This could be great,"__

__Alex lets her forehead drop against Maggie's and takes a deep breath, because they're so close and she could just lean in and kiss her. But she wants Maggie to want this, too, and she won't force her into anything. She can tell her she doesn't want to and Alex will back off._ _

__"This could also end badly," Maggie whispers, eyes slowly closing as one of her hands sneak up to Alex' cheek, caressing it softly._ _

__And Alex chuckles, "This could also not end,"_ _

__"You're such a romantic," she laughs softly and Alex feels her relaxing._ _

__"You're such a pessimist,"_ _

__Maggie rests her palm on the side of Alex' neck and shuffles just that tad closer until their bodies are touching and she can feel Alex' body heat through their clothes. They stand there- hands clutched together, foreheads touching, bodies nearly melted together._ _

__And Alex wants to kiss her. She really does, but she doesn't know if Maggie will be okay with it. She doesn't know what they actually are right now and she's not sure she has the guts to ask. Because now she knows Maggie has feelings for her, but that doesn't necessarily have to mean anything, right? And even though the position they are currently in isn't exactly appropriate to be friends, it still doesn't have to mean anything, _right_? And- _ _

__"Are you going to kiss me or am I going to have to stand on my toes and do it myself?"_ _

__And Alex can't help but laugh, because of course Maggie would say something like this. She laughs and pulls back from her to look at her and when their eyes meet Maggie laughs as well._ _

__But then she kisses her._ _

__It's soft and careful and fragile, but Maggie melts into her and clutches her shirt and this is just where she's supposed to be. They stumble backwards a little, because Maggie pushes forward, and when Alex back hits the counter she gasps against Maggie's mouth. The smaller woman laughs softly, before pecking Alex' lips again, a few times._ _

__"So, we're doing this?" Alex asks after clearing her throat._ _

__Their foreheads are still pressed together and Alex' lips still tingle from their kiss. She feels Maggie laugh against her mouth and she can't help the fluttering of her heart._ _

__"You have no idea what you're getting yourself into," the Latina whispers, her thumb stroking Alex' cheekbone._ _

__"I can't wait to find out,"_ _


End file.
